Creatively Corrupted!

I did it. I got my first ever tattoo. I'm finding it hard to even explain how happy I am, even through all of this discomfort.

The night before, not even twenty-four hours ago, I was tossing and turning in bed; I could not get comfortable. I kept playing out what could possibly happen without any detailed knowledge of procedure. I was awake when my parents woke up, they got up around seven in the morning. It was then that I decided to haul myself out of bed. I was not in a rush when I woke up, I was groggy, tired, hungry, and nervous. My stomach was doing turns and flips without my permission.

After I took a shower and got ready I headed downstairs. My Mother was already gone to work, as was my sister. It was only me and father home. We initially planned to leave at noon, luckily I called in advance and discovered that I would have to wait until three. The only problem with that was that we had to have Natasha home between two and three. That meant we had to pick her up at two, drive home and back by three. Too bad it takes thirty minutes to drive in one direction.

I was late, but he knew that I was late because I called him. For the entire drive there I was texting any and every person I could reach. I was nervous and I was barely hanging in there. My sister was in a horrible mood and couldn't help but cry and scream at my dad, blaming everything at him. My sister is eighteen years old. Normally I don't intervene in those situations but I was already so nervous I could vomit. Not a pleasant picture, but it was reality. I had been this kind of nervous two times in my life. Once when I was going to get my lip pierced, the next time was the last ten minutes of my plane trip to meet Jason.

When we got there, Jason (not my boy-friend, the tattoo artist and owner of the shop) was outside, smoking. The first thing I noticed was his sleeves. Not his shirt sleeves, his tattoo sleeves. He looked gentle, clean, and well aware of my first time. It was immediate trust. I went inside while my father talked with him outside. I looked at all the pictures on the table, the wall, and the screen with a slideshow - going through all the work Jason had done.

My goal for my tattoo was a fleur de lis. Nothing too simple and nothing too complex. I took into consideration my intial design, it was way too complicated and small detailed to put on my skin. It would just turn into a blob by the time I was thirty. Jason happily re-designed it into a beautiful flower. He added shading to it to brighten it up. No colour; I'm not ready for colour just yet. After we were both happy with the sketch, he took it into his room and made a stencil of it. I was called in. The room was spacious, nothing at all like the place I went to get my lip pierced. There were plenty of mirrors, posters, trophies, diplomas, and overall a beautiful Egyptian-based theme. When I sat down on the chair, he placed the stencil on my arm and I waited. He mixed his ink and put together the machine.

That wait seemed an eternity, I was so scared; I didn't know what to expect. When the needle hit my skin, I calmed down. It was discomforting, but it didn't hurt as much as me being nervous. Being nervous and hungry at the same time is scary and frustrating. I know it's weird, but the position I was in (my arm on lap, extended to him) feeling another person's body heat is more comforting than you would think. Music is also important, in my humble opinion. It took about twenty minutes to get it done. The beginning of the outline didn't hurt so much, it was the outline touch-ups that stung a little. By the time the ink is in place, your skin will gradually become tendor. The more tendor, the more stinging there is. The shading didn't hurt much at all.

Don't get me wrong, the tattoo hurt. But it wasn't "excrusiating." Don't ever let someone talk you out of a tattoo because of the pain. There are so many ways to work around the painful areas. For example, for your first tattoo, avoid your hands, feet, wrist, ribcage, and spine. Those areas hurt, a lot. Especially when you are a small person and you don't have too much meat on your bones. Even if you have a low pain tolerance, it is definitely worth it.

Where was I? Oh yeah. When the tattoo is done and over with, you will just sit there and ask if that's all. Really. I was expecting so much worse, which is a healthy habit to adopt. When you expect the worse, it'll be better than you thought. If you think it's a cake walk, you're in for an unpleasant surprise. Some tattoo places offer different instructions and after-care advice. Jason put a plastic sheet over it, it acted like a seal to prevent blood, white cells, goo, and overall grossness to seap out and infect people, places, and yourself. It protects your tattoo from the outside and the outside from your tattoo. There siran-wrap, tape stuff is unpleasant to remove. I suggest gritting your teeth, using a wet cloth to push it off. It hurts but it has to be taken off within two to four hours. It's put on there so you can get home safely. Please do not leave it on longer than that. Bacteria, blood, and goo collects in the plastic and sits over your tattoo. Prolonged exposure will increase your risk of infection and colour loss.

Once that is off, it's time to clean it up. Wash your hands thoroughly with clean, safe soap. Once your hands are clean, gently rub the soap and water on your new tattoo. Do not use a wash cloth or towel. Avoid scrubbing. Gently rinse the soap off with warm water and pat it dry with a piece of paper towel or toilet paper. Once again, avoid wash cloths and towels. Linen collects dust and bodily fluids, your tattoo is an open flesh wound. Let your tattoo air-dry for about an hour and then apply moisturizing lotion. Curel, non-scented. Apply this lotion at least three times daily to help protect your tattoo.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=143211&catid=10394

When scabbing occurs, do not pick or scrape them off. Avoid water submerging your scabs. Taking off scabs before they naturally fall off will ruin your tattoo. Expect a month of care and healing for your tattoo. Besides this vital information, it's important that you are patient, caring, and you acquire common sense. I am proud of my new tattoo and I am already excited about getting another one.

I'm surprised I managed to log into Blogspot. My head is swirling, my face is numb, I'm bumbling along in the clouds; far, far away from where I lay my head. I've done it again, I'm high.

It isn't one of those normal highs, it's the kind where you're alone, you have to manually breath, you're afraid but too numb to feel the worry. I have no idea how much sense I'm making, I can barely hear the music that's playing, ever so loudly.. Screaming out rhymes of truth and pain. I need happier music.

The Beatles.. The lovely Beatles. A lot of my friends do not like The Beatles. Even though I love their music, I'm not obsessive about them. I can relax to some of their songs but it's rare that I am in one of those moods. You know what's a good band to listen to whilst floating high above gravity? System of a Down. Not so much of System of a Down's early music, more of their Mesmerize/Hypnotize albums.

If you ever want to just kick back, I'd highly suggest those 'ghetto' earphones. Those earphones that expand to the whole side-view of your head. Those earphones that cancels out all noise surrounding you. I have my music on full blast.. I feel no pain in my ears.. It actually just sounds normal. It feels as though I have no more 'limits' of pain.' It feels amazing, to have no actual physical or emotion pain. Everything is just one big blur of static, coming from your television as it is set to a channel out of service.. Yeah.

I quite enjoy writing while under the affect of alcohol and/or drugs. It's fun. I feel professional and 'half-decent.'

I'm able to focus more when I'm writing. Normally when I try to have conversation it becomes garbled and messy. It's almost painful to find four words to describe a situation. If I get side-tracked, which is quite normal, it is almost impossible to veer back into the pre-destined track. I'd just sit there, going circles. Any outer noise just accounts for something else. I remember sitting there, watching 'Totally Spies' with Chelsea. My Mother dropped a pan in the kitchen sink, not even 20 feet away. Moments after I heard that crashing the sensors went back from my brain to tell me that I actually heard Chelsea say something.

I know her voice well. It's odd that I was able to supplement her voice to actually say something, and then to convince myself. Of course I remember the dismay when she claimed that she didn't say any thinig. I thought I was going crazy, then I remembered what was going on.

I would just like to state that I have found a new love for System of a Down. When I was in nineth grade, it was my god and my savior. Tank Sergien and Daron Malakian singing so beautifully into my ears. The energy of their voices bouncing off of each other. Their voices.. So different from each others and yet so magically compatible together. Throw in some smashing guitar work and sick drum beats.. You now have yourself an orgasm. Enjoy!

I can't even explain the need to type out random handful of lyrics.. If only I could type sounds. If I did then it would sound like this:

"Awwww awwwwweee aaaaAAAAAAaawwwwwwe.. Aaawwwee aawwwwwweeee AAwwwAAwwweee AAAAAAAAAAWWWW AWwwwawwwweee.. Cann youuu.. feeeeEEEell.. Their.. Haunting presence... Caaaaannn yooouuuu.. feel.. their.. haunting presence?"

But that's no fun, now is it? Anyway, the song is actually the beginning of 'Holy Mountain' by S.O.A.D. It feels as if each song lasts for two glorious hours. Funny thing about System of a Down. Daron Malakian, vocalist/guitarist, was my first ever celebrity crush. I still feel slightly churned by him. Lucky me though, I found someone better.

Welll.. It's getting late here so I better end this.
Ciao.

.. And watch it go right to your thighs.

I'm sitting here, chillin' with Chelsea. Nothing much is really new, we are going to watch a few movies later; she's staying the night seeing as I don't go to school anymore. That? Oh.. I'm taking 'Correspondence.' At least that's what I want to do. After March break I will go in and set some stuff up with the guidance councilor and get my courses in session. Correspondence is sort of like home-schooling, only there is no parent teaching you. You get assignments, you complete them, you send them in.

It's something I'm more comfortable with.

I have social anxiety, it's beyond shyness, which is hard to convince to some people. I'm not begging people to understand me but sometimes there's just no way to explain how I'm feeling. It feels as if there is a void to my emotions and reality; I just cannot explain it. There are no words that can fit into how I feel. These feelings result in mood-swings and I can make a lot of people unhappy out of my own frustration of them not understanding.

Recently I have tried to turn to god, but it's really hard for me.. After years of being exposed to hard evidence and theories that make sense. It's just difficult to turn to something that you are not sure exists. When I was younger, I believed in god. I was happy. But was I happy because I was young? Or was I just happy because I had faith in someone powerful. It's also very difficult to believe in and love someone/something that sees homosexuality as a sin. I'm not going to put up with that.

I had a long discussion with John about this, he's a friend of mine. We met over Warcraft but we chat a lot over Facebook about religion and his beliefs. He told me that homosexuality is a sin, but so is lust, and all humans lust. I can't change myself, I will always be Bisexual. It's who I am, and I'm certainly proud for what I am. I like girls, I like boys. I'm happy with that. There will never be a god in my heart that sees homosexuality being a sin.

I suppose this means that I will never have a religion, a lot of the things I do are not compatible to many religions. There's just too much that I am not willing to change about myself. Love thy neighbor.. My neighbors steal from our garden in our backyard.

So without further-ado.. It's time to go do some chores, eat dinner, get lazy, watch movies, and such. Sounds like a party? I know.